Late night blurbs.

I'm surprised I didn't discuss orientation since arriving home from it. Definitely an interesting experience. It was something I was very nervous about, but surprisingly it did make me feel more confident about next year and just my college future in general. I'm hoping that making friends and moving on won't be as difficult as I originally thought. And I think for the first time, while I was there, I realized that from this point on I can be whoever I want to be. I can pull a clean slate. All those little things about myself that I always wished I could change. I can change that. I can be more open, less open. Make jokes more often, do whatever. These 'new' people won't know the difference. I mean, of course I'm not going to change the things that matter, but the freedom to do so is rather liberating. I'm not stuck in a certain reputation, impression, stereotype. Hopefully, I can make the most of this great opportunity and not take it for granted or ruin it.

With that, I'd like to say that I don't think I'm going to try and figure out 'the situation' anymore. It's not worth my focus. Yes, I would like to know the truth and what truly happened, so then I can know what exactly I did wrong and I can finally heal from the pain it all caused me, but no matter what I know and don't know, I was hurt and it sucked and now that is over. All I can do now is live my life. I need to stop trying to control my life and just live it. So, if friendships are rekindled, great! If not, that's great, too. Plotting my next move, debating over what to say and not say, and all that other crap I tried to do to get a desired outcome, I can't and shouldn't do anymore. I just need to let fate take it's course and let what is meant to happen, happen. That's all any of us can do really-- just let our destined journey unfold.

I mean, when it comes down to it all I want is dear friends, accomplish and worthwhile career, and be content. If I have those three basic things, I think my life will turn out alright. I think I'll be alright.