Drafts, ideas... they're awful, I know.

A: Why did you do it? What was the point?

B: (In disbelief and frustration) Why? Because I was compelled to...because if I hadn't I was going to explode and that would only pose more problems, am I right? (laughs sarcastically) And the point? Well, jesus, what could possibly be the point in telling the truth? Worthless thing that honesty.

One person. Four or five others surrounding. Each have their own individual light. Each 'background' person represents a specific person in the lead's life. Someone that had effected the lead, someone who involved in one of the four/five meaningful moments in their life. Monologue explains current state. Conversational excerpt from a 'climax' portion of the play with each background person. Another short monologue. Shift into actual production.

Drama speech.....

I don't know if I'll be able to get through this, but here it goes...personally, my senior year has been really up and down. So much is happening and changing this year, especially with so many firsts and a lot of lasts this year so far. But the one thing, I'm really grateful for is that drama is a constant. I mean, yeah eventually I will graduate and move on and all that scary stuff, but I know that the memories and connections that I have made with everyone here will never leave me, and my family in THS drama will never change, except for getting larger and closer after tonight and throughout the musical. To the freshman: You have impressed me so much throughout this show. You came into drama, as some of you said yesterday, "not knowing what you are doing" and you all have clearly shown otherwise. It's amazing how you are so dedicated and hardworking and that's so comforting and a relief because it's always a worry whether or not people especially, the freshmen with the least experience, will step up and you truly have. I had a really nice conversation with a couple of you last night before the show and I hope there are many more of those to come. So all of you come back for the musical! Sophomores and Juniors: All of you are simply amazing and that basically says it all. You have so much spirit and it shows on and off stage. I've especially become close to Rowan and Kaleb throughout this show. It's about time Kaleb joined drama again, and I'm so happy he did because he makes me laugh all the time and it's just great. And I really missed Rowan last year during that non-existent musical. And I'm so glad she's back. And of course to my Cappies girls, you are the best and I can't wait for the next show so we can have more insane car rides. Seniors: For right now, all I'm gonna say is I love you all because if I say anymore, I'll break down. But, Aaron and Louanne I'm so happy that you are apart of the drama family, you both rock and better be coming back for the musical. And as some of you know I was really upset after the show last night over something, which by the way worked itself out, but I just want to say thank you to all of you who were comforting me and trying to cheer me up. I can't put it into words how good it made me feel to know that you all were there so, once again thank you and I love you all. Directors, you mean the world to us and thank you for keeping us in line as well as looking out for us and holding our family together. So yeah, everyone good luck tonight and let's make this our best performance yet!

A long time, a lot of changes.

As per usual, there is a large gap between my last blog and this one. For a while a couple months ago, I used tumblr.com. With everything that's been happening lately and (unsurprisingly) changing, I decided why not adding another change to the mix.

It's funny, as I went to write, one of my favorite songs ("Here (In Your Arms" by Hellogoodbye) came on Pandora. Ironically enough, it is a song reflective of my past and fits my mood rather perfectly at the moment. I miss how everything used to be, how everything was last year. Nothing is the same anymore and it's upsetting.

It's senior year, 2010-2011. Senior year is supposed to be a time of excitement, relief, hope, celebration and all I feel right now is nostalgia, fear/worry, and separation. I rarely see or spend time with those I became so close with in the previous school year. I formed bonds with people I never would have expected, and I cherished each and every one of those bonds dearly. However, now they're slipping away or not even there anymore.

My best friend, with whom I rarely talk . The classmates that I've been in almost every class with for the past six five years, I never see. It's disheartening, especially considering this is the last year I will spend with these people for a long time or even the rest of my life. It doesn't help that my family and I aren't very close, so I don't even have that to fall back on and lean on.

The people that kept me grounded last year, mean the world to me, and they're the two of whom I see the least. It had been a very long time since I had felt as connected with and close to people as I did with them, even more so, because of everything I was dealing with at the time with family and other friends. Now, I feel protective and paranoid about almost everything and it's extremely stressful.

I guess I'm just trying to find a way to balance everything and am miserably drowning in that effort. Just like I'm drowning in my effort to get all I'm feeling out right now. I try another attempt later, I suppose.