Missing something.

All I want is to feel like I'm a part of something. I don't feel like I'm a part of anything right now. I feel disconnected and unwanted. I'm present in places, but I'm not welcomed. No one chooses me.

I know I have a really defeatist attitude, but I just take what I see and make conclusions from there. I watch people and they connect so easily and spend so much time together, but it never works out for me like that.

I guess, I just look for a real friendship right away and other people know how to socialize and have fun. I don't know how to do that the way others do. I wish I did. I really do care for and respect people and I want to be a part of their lives. I want to learn how to connect with them, but at the same time I'm afraid that they don't want me around or even like me.

I feel so small.