The Irony of People.

It's kinda strange how the more people I meet here at school, the more social events I attend, the more I make an effort to spend time with other people here, the more I feel alone. The more I feel unaccepted. Unwanted. Misunderstood. I feel like a side thought. Some people make friends so instantaneously and I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. I'm a friendly person, fairly funny, easy to get along with, intelligent, understanding, honest. And yet, no one seems to notice my existence without an introduction. And even once I have that, they forget all about me.

Consistently, I get the question: "Why don't you talk more?" or "Why don't you talk to people?" or "Why are you so quiet?"

And all I want to say is, what is wrong with being quiet? What is wrong with silence? Silence can be a beautiful thing. Why can't a person walk with a group of people and be silent for a few moments, why must every single person be making conversation with another person for that person to be socializing? Part of socializing is listening. I listen to people. That's how I get to know them, to understand them. I'm perfectly content with that. And if I have something to say I will say it, but I don't just constantly try and think of things to say, simply to make conversation. I speak with purpose. And the funny thing is, I get ask why I don't talk more, but half the time when I do, no one listens.

I can't win.

I mean, I know that boisterous and witty and lively people are fun to be around. They make you happy and make situations and events fun just by being there. They're energy and personality permeates to anyone and everything in its environment, and sometimes I can be that person, but not all the time. And I'm not going to change who I am, just to make friends. I just wish someone here would accept me for that and reach out and understand.

I want to show people I have my 'fun' and lively side in me, too. But I never really get the chance and that's difficult for me to deal with right now.