"Oh no."

I've had a less than stellar last couple of days emotionally and mentally, stuck in a subconscious upset mood. Yesterday slowly improved throughout the day, but it finally got worthwhile when I checked my e-mail. I finally received a response from the Madison Theater about the internship I applied for. I got accepted and they wanted me to be a part of the team! Needless to say, I was ecstatic. I honestly thought they had already picked their team since I hadn't heard a response, but it felt incredible seeing I actually got it.

I was proud of myself, and really happy. I'm so incredibly insecure when it comes to so many things, with who I am and my relationships with people that when things like this happen to me I actually feel like maybe I'm not a waste and that I actually do have something worthwhile to offer if people just gave me a chance to prove it.

I told my mom about the internship when I applied and so I figured it would be perfect to call her first. I told her, I got it and the first words to come out of her mouth were, "Oh no." Talk about a slap in the face and a sting in my chest. She couldn't just say congratulations or that she was happy for me first before going into worried Mom mode, asking me if I thought I could actually handle it. I told her fuck you and basically left it there.

Wonder why I'm so insecure? Maybe it's because if my own mother can't believe in me, then who would?