I've finally told someone I have an intimate liking toward them. While I pretty much was certain the feelings weren't returned, or at least knew that I wasn't the first option, I did it anyway. I finally allowed myself to have that moment. I took a risk. I was honest. I didn't allow my fear or the possibility of the feelings not being returned from keeping me to do what I could and to say what I feel. I spend so much of my time trying to serve the circumstance and serve the other people in those circumstances that I never do what I need or want.
I have surprised myself with how well I have handled and responded to this situation. But obviously, it does still hurt. It does make me wonder when what I want and what wants me will finally match up.
Regardless though, this person brought so much joy to my life and I will always be eternally grateful for that and could never be bitter or spiteful, just because it's not what I entirely wanted.
At least now I feel like there is an actual direction to be focused on. At least I'm not in limbo. I just have to figure out how to nurture this friendship without giving the wrong impression. That's my only fear at this point. I don't want to have to tip-toe around it all now. Which, I know I won't. But I also feel like it's not my step to take. But maybe taking it will prove the initiative.
Who knows. No matter what, a new/different journey is to be had and that's always something to look forward to.
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