HBD.

A reflection is long past overdue. The last couple of months have been a whirlwind for sure. It all feels surreal in a way though, too. I actually survived and succeeded with my first show. I made it through. I did it. That impending point in my life is now a part of my past. This process helped me find a new confidence in myself, which is always a good thing for me. I just want it to last. So far other aspects of my life seem to be in a fairly good place, which also helps.

I'm on my way to finally believing in myself and my potential and my worth. With baby steps, but I am. I am still confident in what I want, but I have not tackled the fear of not ever having it. I've always held such a negative self-esteem and I get so lost in my thoughts that sometimes I forget that other people perceive me differently, which is both good and bad at times.

I realize I should and need to be more forward and straightforward about my thoughts and feelings, but for some reason it's so incredibly difficult for me to express either without convoluting it or being so vague. I either divulge too much to the point where no one can translate it other than me or too little to keep my walls up.

What it all boils down to is that it's really hard for me to see myself as wanted, appreciated, or respected because I've felt invisible and insignificant my whole life. Lately, it's been somewhat of the opposite and that has really thrown me for a loop and given me a lot to think about.