Repeat Attempt

There's so many other things I should be doing right now, but today just has put me in the mood to write, vent, ramble. Keeping a journal proved to be too much of a hassle, so maybe this will work out better for me, though this is my second blog. Maybe the second time will be the charm instead of a third? Anyways...

These past few weeks have been filled with stress for me. Stress and pressure. The sources of which come from many outlets- my family, my friends, school, sports, or just simply being a teenager. The main issue at the moment deals with my best friend. It seems like no matter what I do I can never please her or live up to her expectations.

She never hesitates to tell me how I've done wrong, pissed her off, or upset her. I'm glad for the honesty, truly, but does it have to be so blunt and harsh all the time? I mean, one can express their opinions without scolding the other person for their actions. I have my own problems, opinions and things that upset me or bother me, but I don't divulge them because what would be the point? It doesn't change the fact that we are best friends or that I would do anything for her.

The crime I have committed is to become extremely close with a good friend that I had lost touch with and who means a lot to me. That shouldn't be considered a bad thing. I wish I could just tell her exactly how much this whole situation hurts and angers me, but I can never seem to get the words out. I feel like if I speak out, then I'm just fueling the fire, when all I really want is for it all to simmer down and everything be all right again.

I know I won't lose her, because I don't think either of us will let that happen again, but I just don't know how to make her happy anymore.

All I know, is that having the chance to develop that almost lost friendship all over again has been the one thing to keep my head up, with a smile on my face these past few weeks. Everything else just seems to be falling apart.

Or maybe it's a part of me that's falling apart? I don't know.