Birthday celebration with the fam.

I don't know how I should feel nor how I do feel about tonight. I started off being annoyed and hurt and frustrated by the fact that my father and brother decide to ignore everyone around them when having a conversation. There are other people at the dinner table you know, one of whom is supposed to be celebrating her birthday, but clearly seems to be invisible or of little importance to you. It's just a reoccurring thing and it gets on my nerves.

Furthermore, I don't know why dad's personality infuriates me so much, but it does and, like I told mom, I feel like a lot of things he says and does loses meaning considering he wears his heart on his sleeve constantly and it sometimes gets in the way of just enjoying the moment for what it is. Instead he tries to make every single thing into a compliment or whatever and it just irks me and I'm not entirely or always sure why.

We ended up actually talking about things that mattered for once, which was nice. I still would have liked for everyone to take more of an interest in my life and what I've been doing. I don't mean that in a conceited way, but just in that it was my celebration. Matt was actually the main one to actually ask things, which meant a lot. Again, it wasn't exactly what I wanted, but it was a step in that direction which I wasn't expecting and am grateful for.

I just thought I would feel happier about that improvement, but for some reason I still feel incredibly "blah" about the whole thing. I'm not sure why and I can't really pinpoint it, which is strange, because I normally know and right now I have no clue.

I'm hoping some sleep will refresh my mind and then maybe I will be able to make some sense of it all. At least it wasn't a disaster, like usual, but I still feel uneasy or uncertain, or something about it. Hopefully I'll figure it out