A long, long walk.

Some instinct or impulse stirred in me tonight and it took me on a late night walk. I just walked around campus, listening to music, letting my thoughts flow, and enjoying the fresh air. I needed time to myself and purely myself. It was extremely relaxing, but it was difficult to bring myself back to the dorm.

I came back and felt drawn to my Buddhist book. I wandered back outside and sat down in the eye and started reading. I am sure I seemed strange just sitting there that late at night as it was getting colder, reading a book of all things. It was one of those times, I just didn't care, though. I was so focused and centered in my own thoughts, everything and everyone else sort of drowned out.

It was interesting, though, to witness everyone come and go, to see what happens outside while I'm typically closed up in my dorm. I like watching people, studying them. I just find them fascinating. I find myself curious about their worlds, how they are the same as or differ from mine.

I had some visitors that caught me off guard. I had been in my own world for so long at that point that I didn't know how to respond. I felt judged and I realized I just need to let go. Of a lot of things. I'm not going to sit and wait for things to get better or worse. I'm just going to do what I need to do and that's it.

I need to stop caring about everything and everyone, especially considering it's all rarely reciprocated. My focus needs to be on only the rational, the logical, the necessary. And I need to stop trying to control every bit of my life. I'm reaching one of those points where I have to stop and reconfigure my approach and attitude.

Stop hoping and just be.