Irony haunts me.

I find it really strange how after I pull back and let go of all hopes and expectations, I finally get what I want. The moment I give up on some people and on some things happening, then they do. I'm not complaining, but it just makes life really difficult. It's like I go through days or ever a week or so of turmoil, trying to figure out how to deal with things and gain a different perspective and attitude and then that something that I was waiting for happens.

Then again, at the same time, there are things that I have wanted for so long that never unfolded. The prime example: my brother finally stepping up. At this point, I give up on that ever happening. That's old news really.

But these more recent developments have me all confused. I basically told myself that everything that I wanted to mean something, in reality, didn't mean anything. All just casual, normal. And while I still believe that, I can't help but be comforted by the fact that this time he reached out to me, brought me into his private world. Even as friends, that means something.

However, despite all of this, I have decided that I'm not going to let little things influence me anymore. I am sticking to what is within my control and what is necessary for me to do. Despite what I want, I have responsibilities and now is the time to start paying attention to them again.