I don't know how to feel about anything right now. I feel like opportunities are staring me in the face, but I don't know if it's right to fight for them or to let them go and move on to the next thing. I'm not unhappy, but I'm not happy right now either. I feel stuck. I love the people in my life and I need them, but I feel like I can never be my whole self with them nor the self that I want to be, the self that I want to express and act on the most. The only person that has ever made me feel close to that isn't in my life, not really anyway. I don't know whether to keep hoping and trying for that to become a reality or if I should give up and accept that fact that it's just not possible for me. I feel extremely compelled to do both for various reasons and it seems to be making me emotionally distracted and detached at the moment.
I'm just so tired of not feeling comfortable and accepted in my own skin. And I don't know if I possess the honest ability to change that fact or not. I do know I want it to change, but the world never seems to be on my side in that way.
So I guess I really am useless for the time being.
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