Delusion imagery.

Mom took me out to dinner tonight after the show and as usual my mind kept wandering. I came to think about Matt and how frustrated I have been with him lately. I have always looked up to him and wanted to be more like him. Then, I started to think, "what if everything I thought him to be, he wasn't?" I mean, what if I just create this image of the person he was in my head, because that's who I assumed and interpreted him to be? I think my imagination gets the best of me sometimes, no matter how logical and reasonable I try to be. The image of him in my head isn't who he really is, I don't think, and I think I'm finally coming to accept that.

This is going to suck to say, but I don't even know if I like the person that he is. I'm still not even sure who that person is, but it's not like I'll ever get the chance to know because he doesn't let anyone in. My whole family puts up so many walls it's not even funny. I'm not looking forward to the summer and being stuck outside of those walls. Sometimes I feel like we each live on a different planet. I'm just so tired of being the only one who cares enough to pay attention.