Another epiphany. And what to do with it.

My epiphanies seem to come to me with perfect timing. Since my previous entry a lot of light has been shared on said issue. Maybe everything that she did wasn't all her fault, it wasn't all on her own accord. And maybe the one person that I trusted to be on my side wasn't, at least not as much as I thought. Now what does this new information mean? Does it mean that it is more acceptable and easier for me to forgive? I think so. Does it really change the effect that the whole situation had on me? Somewhat, but not necessarily for the better. The past is still the past and this doesn't really change that. It just makes it more detailed. But really, what is effected now is the future. I could potentially make amends. Finally recover from the situation and rekindle a friendship.

Is that the point, though? Is that what I really want? And would it be worth it? Those answers, I do not know. That's what I need to figure out. The 'how' to figure that out is a hazy part of the equation as well. I'm not really sure where to go from here. I want to make peace, I want to move on from this, and not have this weighing over my head and heart. I just don't know how to go about doing that and what the outcome will be.

The one thing I do know is that I'm glad I know more of the truth. Not knowing what happened was probably one of the worst parts. But now there are more things that I do not know. This whole thing is very confusing.

I did make an effort yesterday, and a small one at that. So small that I don't think she knew it was an effort. Upon Mat's, suggestion I texted her with a simple greeting. Thus far, I have not had a reply. Maybe she doesn't want to be friends despite what I was told, maybe there is something I am still missing, I don't know. I would just like a resolution. And a happy one. One that I can be comfortable with. I probably want too much.