It's that time again.

I feel like I always make a post around this time of year, because I do. I always have a lot on my mind and a lot that I carry at this time. The valuable and meaningful aspects of this holiday all revolve around family. My family has been broken for as long as I can remember. We are broken as a unit and we are often times broken as individuals in one way or another. Because of that it's pretty much impossible for me to be happy.

I have a lot to be grateful for, but the entire crutch of this family is that we don't know how to connect or be with one another, so holidays like this are doomed to fail. We all put on a nice face and suffer through it (at least I do). It's the one day of the year that leaves me feeling the most empty, when it's intended for the opposite. And every time the day rolls around, I'm reminded that nothing has changed for us.

The one person in this family that has done nothing but show me love, care, and support is stuck in a nursing home and can't be with us. The whole thing just makes me sick.

I've been called a Scrooge and the Grinch for my attitude toward the holidays. But I will never understand why so much time goes into providing for and enjoying time with your family for this holiday, for two days, instead of applying that sort of care and compassion every day of the year with not only family but everyone else, too. As for my family, I will never understand why they can't even do it genuinely for one day, for this one Holiday.

I appreciate the intended meaning of Christmas for family, but it's never about that with mine. I don't like being this negative, or whining or whatever, but I just have to get these thoughts and feelings out so I can at least attempt to have hope for tomorrow and to not be miserable and disappointed.

Maybe things will change this year. Sadly, though, I doubt it.