Can't Shake.

I feel like a subtext of my posts on here has been the same lately. Lately being the past 9 months. I've gone back and forth trying to decide between holding on/being patient/believing in something more and letting go/accepting that it's all in my head/moving on.

I just can't shake the feeling of an almost cosmic connection. I know that sounds ridiculous and makes me seem pathetic. There's constantly signs and moments/circumstances that reassure me and inspire me to trust that with patience, maybe what I want will come to be.

Even with my doubts and insecurities, I know and am certain of exactly what I want. And I honestly think if the chips were to fall in the right places that what I want could be realistically ideal. I don't want to give up on that. I feel foolish and desperate almost for feeling so strongly about this. However, the thought of settling for less than my true desire awful and somewhat shameful to me. I would just be so disappointed in myself. That may not make sense, but I feel like my emotions and convictions never do to anyone other than myself and sometimes I can't even explain/understand them myself.

I really think these signs mean something, I just don't know what their significance is quite yet.
I'm probably just a fool, though.