Thoughts from rehearsal last night.

"This is what I hate about having a period of happiness, pure contentment. I hate that it can't last. I know that it can't, of course, but the ordinary hits so much harsher after bliss. Sometimes I wonder if it is all in my mind--that I make things up or interpret things a certain way in order to make myself happy. One day I want it to be real and to know that it is real. For once, I want that kind of certainty in my life. I feel like I deserve at least that.

I want more than anything to find that with someone--someone to inspire me every day with a little bit of happiness and let me do the same for them. I've finally found someone I want that with and with whom I think it could actually work. I just don't know how to make it happen.

I've never been the type of girl to give even a second though to Valentine's Day or even relationships in general; however, this year I have thought about it. I feel like I'm honestly ready for a relationship, even a fling or whatever. Without my best friends around all the time, I could really enjoy having someone to share my thoughts, feelings, and time with. Not only wanting, but also being ready for a relationship and not know what to do about it, is extremely difficult. "

I just feel like I feel everything to one extreme or another. I can't just be mildly sad or mildly happy. Maybe not all the time is it this way, but fairly often. And I don't know whether that is a good thing or not...?

And I'm to the point where I really just want someone to be mine, to have that person that is loyal and connected and honest with me. I want a partner in this life. It doesn't have to be forever and I doubt anything ever will be that way, but I don't know, someone just would be nice.

As such a logical and reasonable person I get caught up in my emotions so easily and I just wish I knew how to control them. I guess when it comes down to it, all I want is to be happy. But I would really like for that one person to be here to help me with that.

I need to be patient, I guess, and just see where things go from here.