In a funk.

It seems like every streak of optimism I have has some sort of downside with it. I feel on the verge of a funk. I'm happy with school and I think everything that is happening is happening for a reason and so far it has all given me a reason to be hopeful. Just everything with my friends seems to be a mess right now. It's like, if I don't make the effort to stay in touch, no one talks to me. It makes me wonder if my friends even think of me at all, or miss me at all.

I feel really lonely, I guess. But I mean, it's not the same as when I would get lonely before. At least now I have my own goals to focus on and my own path to keep me from dwelling and getting depressed, but I really do miss people. I miss my Grandpa. I miss my mom and my brother. I miss my teachers, my best friends. I miss the people I grew up with, the people that know me. It's comforting having people around you that know who you are, the type of person and your personality. I just feel like I don't have that anymore. I think that's part of what makes my rekindled friendship so special to me. Because I know that she knows me. I don't have the pressure of needing to socialize or make a good impression. I can just be myself.

I do have the pressure on me right now, though, to stay focused, keep up with my studies, make sure I stay on the right direction to where I want to go and perform well. These acting and math classes make me nervous. I'm trying not to stress out, but it's difficult. I just want to keep my emotions in tact and prevent any potential break downs as much as possible. I really need movies and music and my readings to keep me grounded.