As per usual, there is a large gap between my last blog and this one. For a while a couple months ago, I used tumblr.com. With everything that's been happening lately and (unsurprisingly) changing, I decided why not adding another change to the mix.
It's funny, as I went to write, one of my favorite songs ("Here (In Your Arms" by Hellogoodbye) came on Pandora. Ironically enough, it is a song reflective of my past and fits my mood rather perfectly at the moment. I miss how everything used to be, how everything was last year. Nothing is the same anymore and it's upsetting.
It's senior year, 2010-2011. Senior year is supposed to be a time of excitement, relief, hope, celebration and all I feel right now is nostalgia, fear/worry, and separation. I rarely see or spend time with those I became so close with in the previous school year. I formed bonds with people I never would have expected, and I cherished each and every one of those bonds dearly. However, now they're slipping away or not even there anymore.
My best friend, with whom I rarely talk . The classmates that I've been in almost every class with for the past six five years, I never see. It's disheartening, especially considering this is the last year I will spend with these people for a long time or even the rest of my life. It doesn't help that my family and I aren't very close, so I don't even have that to fall back on and lean on.
The people that kept me grounded last year, mean the world to me, and they're the two of whom I see the least. It had been a very long time since I had felt as connected with and close to people as I did with them, even more so, because of everything I was dealing with at the time with family and other friends. Now, I feel protective and paranoid about almost everything and it's extremely stressful.
I guess I'm just trying to find a way to balance everything and am miserably drowning in that effort. Just like I'm drowning in my effort to get all I'm feeling out right now. I try another attempt later, I suppose.
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